Unicorn

By Arrangedletters

This is a story of a mighty unicorn
who had on his head a giant horn
despite this fact he was looking forlorne
coz I just stole his stack of porn

masturbation was his fixation
much to his mothers total vexation
she would rather he was into defenstration
or a less filthy occupation

you see for the unicorn wankings a crime
that could end in serious jail time
for each drop of their semen that's spilled
a member of the monarchy could be killed

but there really is good reasons
for his many testicular treasons
If he stopped so would the seasons
powered as they are by his seminal legions

he stopped once just for a week
outta curiosity so he could peak
to see what havok it would reek
and he documented his findings like a geek

three tornadoes and seven types fo cheese
where released from africa when it went and sneezed as for the artic it shoulda seen it comin
antartica travelled north and gave it a bummin

that was all only on the first day,
man you shoulda seen the mess we were in by thursday
whole of the world was in complete disseray
trying to keep a nuclear war at bay

no one new of the unicorns existence
so the global changes were met with resistence
it must be terrorists was the wests insistence
and a war started up with a foul persistance

The penguins fought with the polar bears
putting down anthrax outside of their lairs
then went and gang fucked your mother
filling her full of their penguiny blubber

while the unicorn sat making his notes
i smuggled out the porn in side of my coats
it was all sordid stuff like fawns fuckin throats
and weirdo's inserting things into goats

he looked up at me as i got on my bike
started to charge impalled my chest on his head spike
the porn flew out and opened on a page he liked
and that made his purple wand rise like a kite

right then I saw his indescision
and grew in me a foul suspicion
I knew he was thinking of cracking one out
even with me still stuck on his head spout

right away he got down to business
in under 5 minutes he was shooting out his mess
he did this with such grace and finesse
the resulting pattern it looked like george best

with that there was a knock at the door
there was winter dressed like a whore
asked if he could dine on the unicorns spore
and the rest turned up and started slurpping at the floor.

after that their came some recognition
for this unicorn and his wanking mission
the world made up and became more efficiant
instead of treating each other with complete derision

just because the unicorn is our saviour
doesn't mean he acts with savoury behaviour
in fact if you remove his wanking stunt
the rest of him is a complete ....

unicorn that doesn't wank.